Are my fertility issues my fault?

Posted by & filed under The Journey.

Throughout human history, we human beings have had a tendency to blame sick people for their condition. From heart attacks to irritable bowel disease, HIV to Ebola, these conditions share this in common: a tendency for society, and even the ill individuals themselves, to blame the afflicted. Disease and illness are looked at as a moral failing – one that could have been avoided had better life choices been made.

Those who suffer from subfertility often share a profound sense of guilt, as if somehow they could have done better. These feelings get reinforced in subtle and not so subtle ways around us. One example is that funding for fertility has been so difficult to come by. Not just in Canada, but across the world.

For such a common condition, one that affects so many of us on a profound level, that’s remarkable and sad.

It is incredible to me that a country that provides me free ACL repairs so I can get back to the sports that I love would not support even a trial attempt at having a baby.

Gratefully, there are counterforces at work too. Increasingly in Canada, we feel a groundswell of support for making fertility treatments accessible.

Few of us are in control of how and when we may have the opportunity to initiate pregnancy. But as soon as you determine that having a baby is right for you, then through education, supports, and technology where necessary, you can be helped.

It may not have been the way you had hoped or planned to get pregnant, and there might even be uncomfortable choices to consider (such as working with donated eggs and sperm). But there’s always a solution, and I hope that throughout this process you are able to do your best to not resort blaming yourself or your partner, despite some deep external pressures.


I hope and believe we are all just doing our best.

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